Yesterday you told me that you’d never leave me.
You promised that my heart would never endure
The dreadful ache of the forsaken.
I pressed my head against your chest
As you embraced me in your strength;
I heard a tidal force, powerful and certain,
That dwelt within.
And I heard your heart declare, “I am true.”
Today, I stand shaking through weeping
As fear scours my depths to feast on unbelief.
Today I hear her voice, rattling breath
And staccato sentences.
Today I find myself to be a 5 year old
Holding a hand that turns out not to be mother;
Standing in a room that turns out
Not to be home;
Wondering if I will, again, be safe in her gaze.
Today I find I am 11 years old,
Hearing the words “car crash” and letting a laugh slip
Because I don’t want to cry in front of teacher.
And like those time, will it be ok?
Will You be enough?
Tomorrow is the great enigma,
Prowling on the edge of my vision,
Beckoning me to fold and be devoured,
Speaking words of dis-ease
But then I recall,
Through a memory most badly bruised,
That yesterday you told me that you’d never leave me.